You need to have a good birthing experience to heal your wound. You have learned from your past experience so use this knowledge to empower you now. Investigate birthing center options and homebirth. A homeopathic remedy called Staphysagria is known to help in such situations where you feel abused and can't let go of the anger. Consult a homeopath about this. It might help. Speak to Sarit Zeltzer who helps women through art therapy and other means to overcome past traumatic birth experiences and prepare you emotionally for the next birth. She herself went through a similar situation and in the next birth was able to undo the trauma. Be proud of yourself for not having a vacuum or Cesarian. From long time experience, second births are nearly always soooooo much easier and faster and probably the baby won't be posterior again. Make sure you are surrounded by positive staff that totally understand your needs. The midwife is the most important key here, so choose wisely. What about your partner here? Work together on how he can support you better. Make sure you avoid being on a monitor and having any temptation for an epidural. Don't be discouraged. I have seen many wonderful second births after very traumatic (even worse than yours) birth stories. I really hope that this next birth will be a wonderful and empowering and joyfull birth.
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