27/5/2004 01:12
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Ilana Shemesh, natural midwife
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מאת:
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Dear Savta, let's make peace
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כותרת:
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Wow, lot's of strong feelings here. You may not believe it, but I really do feel for you and am absolutely sure that you are a very loving and caring mother, and that the yoledet's parents are very loving and caring. I'm trying to put myself in your shoes, and now I am really feeling your pain and worry. I can just imagine how I would be feeling if my daughter decided to birth in hospital. I would be worried to death. Would I have the guts to walk into the delivery room and call every few hours and demand timetables?? Maybe. My daughter would kill me, and I'd be thrown out. I had seen many cases like that in the hospital where parents were thrown out. But I like to think that I am not like the hospital. It is too bad that we didn't meet for a discussion before the birth. Then maybe you would have been more trusting. What a pity that you didn't read my book, and then you would have learned that episiotomy is no longer medically justified and that tears are better than cuts for healing. Obviously homebirth midwives need to suture,and the department heads of the two closeby hospitals know that I suture. Midwives all over the world suture. I studied this in Finland. Trust me that I sent them to Kaplan because of all the proteksia in the other hospital which just would have made things so much harder for them. What you may think is easier would be more difficult for them in this particular case. I know both hospitals and their policies. I wish that I was a better person and that I could have then put aside my own anxiety and fears and pressures that were caused partly by the slow progress of this birth and partly by the many phone calls from her father the doctor who was constantly reminding me of his consultations with all his gynecologist friends and applying hospital ways to homebirthing ways. This is not possible. Homebirth rules are different. We don't go by the same timetables. I know both worlds, hospital and home, and they are very different. Be assured that this birth would pronbably have been a Cesarian. You really shouldn't be angry with me because I took very good care of your daughter in law and grandchild. They both came out of this birth healthy in mind and body. However, I was in quite an anxious state by the time you showed up, also very tired, and myself had been debating whether to transer or not. Finally there was a breakthrough, and she began to progress. It wasn't that I threatended her with having a Cesarian if she went to the hospital, it was reality and she needed to know it. There was never any danger, just slow progress. You are quoting the reference about my payment totally out of context. I told you in an effort to calm you down and to prove to you that she was not in danger by saying that it is not the money that I am concerned with here. Just the opposite is true. When a couple transfers for any reason, I still get the full fee. So the easiest thing for me to do was to transfer hours ago and relieve myself of all the pressure from the family and get some sleep. But this would be negligent and dishonest. It was my duty to try my best to give this couple the birth they wanted. The point is that I did try to tell you that all was under control, have faith in me and in birth, but neither of you wanted to listen or believe or trust me. I couldn't then tell you that the birth was going to be in an hour, because I was afraid that I would box myself into a corner if progress slowed down again. I am sorry for the pain you suffered and do apologize for not having better skills to deal with your severe anxiety and that I didn't insist that the couple speak with you instead. I have learned from this a few things. One, to tell couples that it is not my job to deal with their family, and that I will not tolerate any pressure that could influence my medical decisions, and that if their family is nervous better not to tell them that they are not birthing in hospital. If they choose to tell them, then it is their responsibility to update them every 2 hours. I will never again be put in the middle. I need to be clear of pressures from outside, which are also "political" and can affect my judgement. Just like in the hospital, so many Cesarians are unnecesarily done because doctors fear that they will be sued. By the way, for your information, she wanted to go to the hospital only near the end before she began to make progress. If she really did want to go,not just expressing her discouragement, then I would never refuse her. I don't want to carry this anger around and I want to make peace. I don't think that your kids need to even know about any of this now. It will really upset things for them and your relationship. They are great kids and you are lucky to have them. Kids who care so much for the environment and mother nature can only come from loving parents. I am sorry that I caused you any grief and was not able to calm your deep-seeded fears. Forgive me and let's make peace.
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